I’m typing this while flat on my back in bed. The laptop is raised on a TV table carefully balanced on the pillows around me so that no weight is on my stomach. The sun is just starting to come through our bedroom window and I can tell that we had late snowfall last night because I can just barely catch a glimpse of the roof over our back porch. Snow means that Eva needs a heartier breakfast than usual and snow boot negotiation needs to happen as soon as possible so she isn’t trapped in an endless cycle of deciding between her three favorite pairs. She also needs to head out the door a little early since the parking lot at her preschool gets crazy in the snow, with people sliding around and kids falling everywhere.
But today it’s not my responsibility.
I was placed on bed rest on Thursday. We went in for a follow-up ultrasound to get a better look at the baby’s heart. They weren’t concerned about it, but our son was stubborn during his gender scan and wouldn’t give them a clear picture. It was just a fun treat that we were going to be able to see him for a second time. He wiggled a lot, pushing his feet out towards us, and we made jokes and commented on how differently Eva moved when she was cooking. Then they caught something on the ultrasound and they called the doctor in and then we had to go see our other doctor and four hours later I was in bed at home.
I don’t know what or how much to write. I thought seriously about just evaporating from the online world altogether, since typing in this position is very challenging and there is a limit to how much I need to share here. I can tell you that our baby is perfectly healthy and I’m perfectly healthy but my body isn’t pulling its weight. I can also tell you that I’m going into the hospital tomorrow and I’ll be there for at least a couple of days. The hope is that I can come home and spend the next 15 weeks on my back, giving our kid the time he needs. There is a chance that I might need to stay in the hospital for a while longer. There’s even a chance that I’ll be in the hospital through the summer. That’s a weird thought and I can’t wrap my mind around it, so I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
In the meantime, here I am on my fifth day of bed rest. The baby is still where he belongs and everyone is surviving. In fact, it hasn’t been nearly as crazy as I thought it would be. People have stepped up to fill out all the holes that my absence creates and Eva will soon be woken, bathed, brushed, fed, dressed, and packed off to school. Later she’ll be picked up, fed lunch, put down for a nap, and then she’ll play all afternoon until my husband comes home to clean, cook, shop, and take care of our kid. Through all of it, I’ll be here, catching glimpses from the bedroom door and congratulating myself on every minute that ticks by and keeps me pregnant.
I appreciate everyone who has called or sent texts. We are, believe it or not, doing OK right now. Things are under control and, under the circumstances, everything is about as good as it can be. I’m doing what I need to do, Kyle is doing what he needs to do, and Eva is well looked after. No matter what happens, we’ll be able to say that we did everything we could do. It’s just a waiting game…