I Wish I Had Been a Young Mother


I don’t think that parenthood is for everyone. I also don’t think that parenthood is the end-all-be-all greatest thing on the planet. I love being a mom, but I feel like I spent way too much time obsessing about whether or not I would ever have a baby. I wish I had those hours back. I would do more productive things with them, like swim laps or learn to watercolor.

Still, I wish I’d had a baby earlier. Much earlier.


I did all sorts of things before I became a mom. I went to Europe. I wrote a book. I went to law school. I was a K-12 teacher. I worked at Walt Disney World. I worked at the mall. I worked as a cleaning lady. I spent much too much on shoes and stayed out all night because showing up to work in your party clothes was kind of funny sometimes.

It wasn’t wasted time and I think all of that has come in handy with the parenting…especially when we start on this homeschooling journey. I also wouldn’t rewrite anything because that path was exactly what I needed to get me here today.

But, still.


I can see the big perks of young motherhood now. For one, I could have used a fat push to separate me from my ego. I spent so much time worrying about how things affected me, how I looked to everyone, how I was going to get ahead of the pack. I will tell you that nobody on Earth cares less about my ego than my kids. They are not worried about how things affect me because they are all-consumed with how things affect them. And so am I. And it’s nicer, actually, than thinking about myself all the time. Thinking about yourself so much inevitably leads to mean or crazy, both of which I’ve dabbled in. Not fun.


Two, I could use the energy that I wasted on all-nighters and dance clubs. At 31, I like quiet and holding still and peaceful days, which is pretty much in direct conflict with how my kids like to spend their time. Running after them would have been so much easier ten years ago when I didn’t need sleep and lived on granola bars.


Mostly, I just love these babies and there’s a part of me that knows if I had had them earlier (with the husband and all of the details being exactly the same), we might have filled the house up with rooms of laughing little souls until they were popping out of every doorway and closet and cupboard. A large amount of children. A passel, if you will.

But perhaps if I had been a young mother I would have been stretched too thin. Perhaps if I had popped out babies like a Pez dispenser, I would have thrown my arms in the air and complained because there were always children underfoot. I might have even resented those souls for lost opportunities like Europe and night clubs and law school.

That is the nice thing about taking a while to get somewhere. You really know how to soak it all in by the time you arrive.


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  • Reply Brandy

    “I don’t think that parenthood is for everyone. I also don’t think that parenthood is the end-all-be-all greatest thing on the planet.”

    THANK YOU. This opening is why I respect people like you. Parenting is important and when done well, it is very hard work. But for those of us who have chosen a different path, it is a breath of fresh air when someone acknoledges there are other paths to both happiness and contribution to the world.

    Your self reflection continues to impress me and it says something when even a childfree individual can find something worth while on a mom blog. 🙂

    April 3, 2014 at 4:13 pm
    • Reply Carly Morgan

      Thank you, Brandy! It’s so the truth – when I think about friends who have found bliss without entering the world of parenthood, at least ten names come to mind immediately. I also think it’s a false representation when people say that they didn’t know what happiness was until they had kids. Are you kidding me? I’m mad about my kids, but before them I had happiness all the time. Sleeping in, late night drive-thru, movie marathons, last minute road trips, shopping sprees, open bars…did these people not do anything before they had a baby?!?!

      April 5, 2014 at 11:13 am
      • Reply Rachel

        I totally agree 100% with both of you. Brandy you took the words right out of my mouth! Carly thank you for your honesty when it comes to parenting.

        As someone who’s decided to be childfree I can’t stand the backlash I get from people who claim that life isn’t complete and that I’ll never know true happiness and love until I have a kid. Um, excuse me? If I don’t know true love, then what is it I feel for my husband, or my parents, or my in-laws (well most of them), or my brother, or my some of my best friends?

        I follow a lot of bloggers, and I’ll be honest if they weren’t a mom when I started following them but have become one since then, I sometimes stop following them. Not because they are suddenly terrible people for having a kid, but it seems like some of them try and convince the world that their life is all sunshine and unicorns and heaven forbid their kid throws up or has a diaper blow-out it’s rainbows and glitter instead of actual vomit or poop. I applaud you Carly for being honest that kids can be gross, disgusting little creatures and you love them regardless, but you don’t sugar coat. Being a parent is certainly not for me, but when someone like you is so honest, it makes me respect more those who have chosen that path.

        April 5, 2014 at 12:48 pm
  • Reply Hope at Disneyland


    April 3, 2014 at 4:25 pm
    • Reply Carly Morgan


      April 5, 2014 at 11:15 am
  • Reply Mary

    Thank you for writing this Carly. I am 36 now and just having my first child. I too have this inner struggle. My 20’s and 30’s were about my career, traveling and honestly finding out who I was (I am still searching for the complete answer but I have a better sense now then ever before).I constantly struggle with wishing i had a baby earlier but in the end i know I am where i am supposed to be. I think at the end of the day i will be a better mother. More patient and no regrets then if I were younger. This is such a personal choice and there is no right answer for everyone as we are all so different but it is nice to see others feel the way you do.

    April 3, 2014 at 5:03 pm
    • Reply Carly Morgan

      It’s the truth – there’s definitely benefits on both sides. I think the patience thing is huge – I was a pretty screamy babysitter when I was younger so I probably would have ended up being a pretty screamy mom.

      April 5, 2014 at 11:10 am
  • Reply Adrienne

    Great post, Carly. At 40 with four year old twins and step kids ranging from 18 – 14, I hear you loud and clear!

    April 4, 2014 at 9:16 am
    • Reply Carly Morgan

      I have to admit, I think twins would be amazing. If I had twins 5 years from now, I’d be quite delighted. 🙂

      April 5, 2014 at 11:15 am
  • Reply Amanda

    Woah. You are such a good “stuff out of head and onto paper” person. I know I have all of these feelings, but never find a logical way to explain them. Thank you for sharing! Well, I’m off to the club, ehrm, I mean nursery.

    May 12, 2014 at 8:16 pm
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