My October baby has turned into a November baby.
When we started telling people that we were expecting a baby, we estimated that the baby would be showing up around the middle of October (if not sooner). This was based on when the other two were born and the surgery dates to get my cerclage removed. It made sense to plan that way and we got pretty stuck on that date. So now that it’s November…
I don’t know.
The last couple of weeks have been rough. In fairness, the last month or so has been rough. My body is wiped out and unfamiliar with the process of being this pregnant so it’s been hard to read signals and figure out what’s going on with the baby. I’ve been in and out of labor and delivery to track movement and as of a little more than a week ago I’ve officially been “in labor” with contractions happening at least every twenty minutes and more often closer to 3-5 minutes apart. That’s a lot of labor. You’d think I’d have a baby by now right?
/// Contractions help the cervix open but you also need the baby to be in the right position, the right combination of hormones, etc. Contractions without a change in the cervix doesn’t actually mean anything is happening to bring the baby out.
/// Although contractions can be stressful for the baby, as long as your water hasn’t broken it’s pretty likely that the baby will be able to tolerate strong contractions for a long time. A looooong time.
/// Once you’ve successfully delivered a baby without assistance, they don’t worry so much about how big the baby is getting. Even though all signs point to this baby being huge, that isn’t a reason to speed things up.
/// An expectant mother has some control over whether or not she’ll give birth early, as in she can rest, stay hydrated, have surgery, and take medicine to prevent contractions. On the other side of the spectrum, we have pretty much no control over getting that baby out if the baby isn’t ready.
That last fact has been a rough thing to wrap my head around. I’ve had a really hard time accepting that I just can’t do anything about when this baby is going to get here, even though I’m anxious for him to arrive and for him to be OK. I can stress about it, but that doesn’t do anything to change the situation. All I can do is let it go, keep waiting, and try to watch for any signals that I should be doing something to keep him healthy.
I am fully aware that this “problem” is one that a lot of people would want to have. Unless this baby comes in the next couple of days, I’m expecting a healthy full-term baby boy with no foreseeable issues. After losing the babies when we first tried and then having two early babies with various complications, that healthy baby boy should really feel like a reward or something so for a while I struggled with the guilt about how much I haven’t enjoyed being pregnant this time.
Ultimately, though, that was another thing I needed to let go because it didn’t help anyone. I wish I was glowing and bouncing around. I wish I was feeling more social (don’t want to talk to anyone these days), more active (my kids have been watching a lot of TV), and cherishing the last time I’ll ever be expecting…but I’m not and accepting that is the easiest way to just take another edge off of my crazy.
He’s coming. Logically, I know I can’t stay pregnant forever. It feels like forever, but that’s just because I’m leaning so far forward to try to get a hold of him. Patience…