It’s 7 AM and I’m sitting on my back porch with my herbal tea and my blog that I shelved four months ago so I could focus on other projects. It made a lot of sense. I was feeling overwhelmed with all of the work that wasn’t getting done (I have an offline job and I run three blogs besides this one) and this blog has been a bit of a thorn for a while. I HATE the name (not so clever as it turns out) and we’ve been wrestling more with how much to share of the kids as they’ve gotten older. So it felt good to archive 95% of the posts and move my energy for a while.
And now, here I am.
Does anyone miss the blogging mood that was happening 10-15 years ago? (Did I just make myself sound like I’m a thousand years old?) I feel like most of the people writing were all rambling and raw and it had only occurred to a lucky few to actually make their blogs commercial and searchable and keyword stuffed. Don’t get me wrong – the writing is much better now in general and I’m glad people are finally figuring out that they shouldn’t steal and repost photos (which, yes, I totally used to do). Still, I miss those confessional blogs and I miss a lot of those bloggers who faded off or went underground following divorces and job changes and everything else that can happen in a decade.
I’m in such a better place than I was ten years ago. We were still planning the wedding at that point. In fact, ten years ago today we flew to Walt Disney World for our pre-wedding honeymoon and our engagement photo session and to meet with our wedding planner. That was everything – totally all consuming – even though I had just taken the Ohio bar and I wasn’t employed and I didn’t have a handle on anything else in my life. It still holds the record as the best vacation we’ve ever taken but reality crashed hard as soon as we got home.
And now…I can’t even tell you how much I love this yard. I love sitting out here before the kids get up. I love that I can hear the sounds of people driving to work but I have nowhere that I need to be today. I love that if I wait about ten minutes more, my husband will come out to see if I need more tea and then we’ll sit and chat before the kids wake up. I love that they’ll stumble out in pajamas and bare feet and sleepy smiles because it’s funny to be in the backyard in your pajamas.
Man, ten years makes all the difference.
It’s not just the kids or the house or the fact that I don’t practice law anymore. I’ve made huge strides toward happy, especially in the last four months. I’m getting healthier. I’m getting up earlier. I’m getting more work done. I have a clearer vision of exactly how I want my days to go and my goals are finally in focus. I’m much more comfortable with the idea that I want to write books in addition to blog posts. I’m even getting closer to being that person that doesn’t have Facebook on her phone. (Not totally there but I did move it to the third screen so at least I have to swipe a lot before I’m stressed out about what’s going on in the world.)
All of that being said, I don’t think I’ll ever stop blogging. I’m giving myself a break right now with no set timeline for regular posting on any of the blogs while quietly ignoring the nagging reality that I’m losing followers, momentum, and the holiday sponsored post season. It will come back, though. I’ve watched a lot of bloggers burnout and then circle around a little stronger after an absence so this mood is no surprise. Besides, Eva has things she wants to share and until she she’s older (30? 32?) I’m not letting her have unmonitored social media channels so I’m going to have to carve out a corner for her soon and this is the best place for it.
Final thought: four months is a great chunk of time. Four months is a solid break if you need to be absent from something in your life. In four months it will be 2019. Four months could be enough space to find a different job or change something about your health or get the ball rolling on something you’ve always wanted to do. Four months of savings can make a reassuring emergency fund. If something won’t matter in four months, is it worth losing sleep over now?
I wish you a good four months, although I suspect you’ll see me sooner…